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Good in others

Are people generally good, or bad?

When you think about it, the way we think about other people changes from time to time. Some days, it seems like all of them are very decent and helpful yet another day they seems to be so evil. 😉

However, non of these is the real story.

People have both good and bad qualities. Just like we are. We do try to be good, but sometimes we do make mistakes. Things we might do hurt others. Loved ones. Does that mean we are bad people? No. We are trying to do our best. But we expect perfection from others. Is it fair? Can we put others to a better standard than you are?

I think it must be the other way around. We have to be better than others. We have to try to do better than others, even when we see them doing not so good things. You can go down to their standards, or try to be better.

Then there is the fact that other people have some admirable qualities. Some better than ours.

So what can we do?

I think, we can try and see good of others. Forgive them easily. After all they are also human. Imperfect. Just like we are. Remember that.

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Habits and identity

Changing our habits. If it is easy, life would be so much better. Yet we struggle to do the smallest thing everyday. The question is why and how to overcome this.

I believe Tony Robbins talks about identity. It is difficult to just keep a new habit. You will always be working against the gravity. The gravity of the person with the old habit. However, if we try to change our identity, so that the the new person’s habits are the habits we are trying to cultivate, then gravity would work for us. The new person would more like to follow the new pattern of behavior.

This is easier said than done though.

We are who we are. Our identity is ingrained within us. It’s what make us who we are. It is what we say who we are.

But, when we try to change something of ourselves, a new habit, for example, I think it better to try to change who you are. Try to be the person who would do the new behavior. Try to imagine, we’re being that person. Doing the habit. Over and over. Without friction. Without effort.

See where it goes.

We will improve little by little.

Towards our journey to be the better man.

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Struggling vs acceptance

I was doing the daily meditation on “ten percent happier”, and something Joseph Goldstein said was so clear.

He said if you’re struggling with meditation due to some emotions, it means you’re not accepting it. So look at the emotion. Accept it. It’s okay to feel this. And take that emotion as an object of meditation. Soon it may disappear, or will lose its power.

For example, if I am embarrassed about something that happened, just see it as it is. Accept that it is alright to feel that. That doesn’t mean everything is over. It’s just something you feel, and it is all that it ever be. Whatever you do next does not have to depend on that emotion, but your thinking. You’re not a slave, neither it is not you, it is an emotion.

Something to think about next time I am angry or sad or embarrassed, etc. Which are very frequent. 😉

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Do what you can

There are days you’re not your optimal. You don’t feel like doing all that’s needed to be done. So what you opt is not to anything at all. Day is already ruined so there is nothing to do.

But do you need to think like that.

What if you can do whatever that you can do. It may not be everything. It would be awesome it you have the will power to do it all.

However, it is not all or nothing. You could do part of it. So the workload will be low. You will one step, at least half of a step along your path.

So let’s do what we can. Strive do the it all. But what ever happens, you have done something for the day.

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We decide what is offensive.

We decide that it’s offensive or presumptuous or rude.

That’s what Epictetus was saying when he observed that it’s not events that upset us, but our judgement about events. The request is objective—just words coming out of someone’s mouth. The opinion that it’s objectionable is just that. Your opinion.

We have to remember that we hold this power. We don’t need to get upset. We don’t need to be taken apart. We just need to realize that all someone has done is utter some words at us, and that we are free to ignore them, grant the request, or politely explain why we’re not interested.

Epictetus said that when we get offended—when we get upset and think, “How dare they?” or “Wow, that’s a huge imposition they just tried to foist on me”—we are complicit. We have chosen to be upset. We have chosen to hear or read the request that way.

We could have just let it go. We could have seen it for what it was—simply an ask. And then moved on. We have that power. We choose whether we exercise it or not.

Copied from daily stoic.

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All you control is what you do…

You can’t control what anyone else is doing. Only you.

Ryan Holiday Stoicism Motivation | "You Control How You Play"

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Sleep some…

Sleep is one of the most important thing we have to do. Not only this year but forever.

Someone said sleep moves the death away.

We consider sleep as a luxury. When we have stuff that need to be done, sleep is the first to go.

However, it has been found that being sleepless for 20 hours is equal to be drunk!

So would you like to act as a drunk? Will it help?

So,

Let’s start by giving the sleep the priority it. Needs this year.

Read more about this on Ryan holiday’s stillness is the key.